電話里面 你來我往

沒有空隙得說著 說著 說著

K T V 中 擁擠一起

抓著話筒得吼著 吼著 吼著

 

人前人後 兩副面孔

作做強顏得笑著 笑著 笑著

酒吧桌前 杯空如也

毫無節制得灌著 灌著 灌著

 

鍵盤按鍵 嘀嘀咑咑

十指飛快得打著 打著 打著

I C Q 上 相思好苦

淚如雨下得哭著 哭著 哭著

 

舞池中央 跟著音樂

著了魔似得 跳著 跳著 跳著

現代人類 行尸走肉

了無生趣得活著 活著 活著

在唱亦不在唱

因心已死人沒感情

歌也不會動聽

 

有聲等於無聲

因人已累頭腦不清

聲也不能遠傳

 

若這歌再動聽

但你不在聽

我也便似木偶在唱情歌

句句麻木

When Truth reveals its hideous face

And Reality loses Grace

When Cruelty carves on edges of heartache

And tears trickles past regretted dates

 

When Pretence masks on Face

And Love condescends Grace

When poignant eyes sees through heartache

And memories linger on confined dates

 

When souls reach out longing for mate

And Moirae smirks at unfortunate fate

When Prodigy encounters too late

And Nepotism clichés as Torture’s baits

 

When Suspicion breeds between close mates

And crossroads bestows upon divided fates

When enlightening of Psyche emerges too late

And Solitude consigns Passion as its bait

 

I find myself in a horrendous state –

Bathed in HATE!

折翼而飛

 

若眾叛親離  若看不見希望

伸手漆黑  前方更無絲毫光

你可曾絕望

若情人讓你  不斷痛苦悲傷

若朋友的作為  更讓你失望

你能否原諒

身邊的人們  寸斷你的肝腸

周圍的氣氛  緊張尷尬恐慌

天何蒼蒼  地何茫茫

你可惶惶 

包起所有哀與愁  將它遺忘

裹起胸中忿與怒  把它流放

人要做的有度量

把不如意埋葬

折了翅膀

還是自由飛翔

飞蛾天性就爱扑向火焰

明知那是一条不归路

但那是心的所向，命的归宿

是灵的天堂，身体的地狱

即使会被焚化为灰烬

即使什么都无法留下...

 

那就不要遗留！

让死亡时的瞬间光辉，

证明在这个世上曾经的存在，

哪怕在那之后没有人会记得

经常听到朋友之间的安慰、劝说，会有那么一句话：

“忘了吧！以后会更好的...”

但是人在什么时候才能够真正的忘却呢？

很遗憾的是，人类大脑的构造是没有忘却这个功能的。

所有经历过的，都会被大脑一点一滴的记录下来。

 

而我们只不过是不知道：怎么再去把那些经历的片段从脑海中挖掘出来罢了。

深刻的经历就像经常用的化妆品，放在表面，很容易找到。

所以那样的回忆更是不可能被忘记的。

口头所谓的忘却，只是自欺欺人着，不去回想它

只不过是把那些点滴，深深地掩埋起来。

根本不能让它从记忆中消失。

 

唯一的疗伤圣药是在时间的河流中经常去想到它

一次次的重复，让伤疤越来越厚，

直到麻木为止，那样便不会有那么刺痛了。

当麻木掌控了一切之后，就算被某些事物钩起回忆

也不会在心中掀起漩涡了。

Pain is surging through the body

Nerves screaming for saviour

Heart is still aching,

Along the deflating lungs

Through shrinking trachea,

My last breath exhaled

 

I see blood shocking red on the wrist,

Eyes closed to blur this crimson

With the ruby hearts of Valentine's -

The very incipient of all...

Flashing away of memories;

Yet your smile still engraved

 

As numbness slowly crawls up

From the ends of my limbs,

I feel tears trickle

Down my cheeks one last time

Through cold darkness,

I'm mesmorised

 

I see no light ahead;

I hear no harps of Angels

For the last sin I've commited

I shall be damned!

Where will I go,

From here?

At the end of my first month at siemens, i got my offer letter (something that u usually get before u leave ur former company and come to the new job). Yet the figures on the offer letter was not as agreed. I spoke to my boss about this, and he claims that we had a misunderstanding. He claims that he thought the amount i asked for was before tax, while what i meant was after tax and deductions. Somehow, it makes a huge difference!!! I asked him for corrections, he tells me it's too late now, HR will not be willing to correct it. He told me to ask my father for loans in the mean time to support my living expenses, and promised that after the 6 month probation, he will adjust my salary amount to make up the differences, and then i can pay my dad back.

 

Being naive enough as always, i chose to believe in that bastard, and called my dad in SA to ask for financial help in the mean time. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!

 

Then after almost 3 months at Siemens, i have finally received my official contract. The contract is for 3 years with a 6 month probation. The amount of compasation and salary on the contract is still the same erroneous figure as on my offer letter, which means during these 3 years, there is no binding to increase my salary after the 6 months probation. Boss is on business trip in Germany, so i emailed him and asked him if i should wait for a new contract with the new figures after my probation, or should i rather ask for amendments to the contract now.

 

guess what the bastard said!!! "No, Faye. You misunderstood. I meant that after 6 month we can evaluate your performances, and only then, decide if we should raise ur salary or not..."

 

If it happens once, i will accept it as misunderstanding. not twice!!! and not when boss asked me to first loan money from dad, then later pay it back after the salary gets adjusted!!! So i guess i was so stupid to let him lure me into siemens!!!

 

I receive a similar amount from HSBC, my former company, and it is quite close to my home, so i don't have to spend 3.5 f***ing hours per day on the road as i do now.  So somebody, please enlighten me: What the hell am i doing here???!!!!!!!

Well, as most of my friends might know, I switched to Siemens after getting tired with HSBC. I thot: WOW, life is fianlly taking a turn for the good direction. But ...

 

I think i was a bit influenced by my loud speaking collegues at HSBC. Here at Siemens I can't stand the awkward silence! The office looks serene, but underneath, everyone is so busy and tensed up, all on the verge of a nervous breakdown... A total contrast to HSBC's busy office appearance, under which people are secretly painiting their toe nails in the corner @_@

 

Siemens is supposed to provide me with a Notebook so that i can do my work with some kind of efficiency. I waited 2 months since my day of entrance, b4 i got my Dell. By then the workload have piled up so high already, and the crazy news is that i have to finish all that shit in 5 days!! Well, considering I've had some caffiene boosted nights b4, I took on the pile of Dung without words and began working on it. I am so proud of my panda-look right now! I have miraculously finished everything and am now sitting infront of my first Blog, typing away~~~

 

I haven't received my salary for 2 months now, and i was under the impression that i'd receive it this month. But the hopes are frail...  Unfortunately, i didn't have much in my savings account left due to the low salary,high cost situation at HSBC. And my parents are not around in SH to help me out. so...I have been living in debts!! Borrowing money from this person and that, almost every person i can squeeze on. Life was hell when u have to devour a RMB5 fried rice portion as if it was Froi grois... Let's keep fingers crossed to hope that i will get my salaries at the beginning of May. Else I'd really succeed in my dieting plans.